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Alright, mate, gather round! I’m Gandalf, yeah, the wizard, and I’m here to chat about escort – not that fancy car, nah, the Ford Escort, legend of the streets! “You shall not pass!” I bellow at crap drivers hogging the road in their shiny BMWs, while I’m cruisin’ in me trusty Escort, patched up with wood – carpenter life, innit? Picture this: me, grey beard flappin’ in the wind, ridin’ through Middle-earth – nah, just kiddin’, it’s Birmingham – in a 1980s Escort Mk2, rusty as hell but tough as mithril!

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So, I’m sitting on a bench, nursing my bruised ego, when I see this street performer. He’s juggling flaming torches, and I’m like, “Okay, that’s cool.” But then he drops one! Fire everywhere! I’m freaking out, thinking, “Is this how I die? In Karaton, by a flaming juggler?” But the dude’s quick, puts it out, and everyone’s cheering. I’m just sitting there, half impressed, half terrified.

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