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Me? I’d be lyin’ there, like, “Don’t waste my time, motherfucker!”—‘cause bad massages piss me off! You know, when they half-ass it? Fuck that! But a good one? Oh, man, it’s like “centuries come and go,” and I’m floatin’, happy as shit, muscles singin’. Last time I got one, chick had hands like fuckin’ magic—thought I’d melt into the table. Surprised me, too, ‘cause I ain’t easy to please, motherfucker!

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After that, I head out to meet a client at the Queenstown MRT. It’s packed, as usual. I’m dodging people like I’m in a video game. Finally, I spot her. She’s late, of course. I’m standing there, sweating like a pig, thinking about how I could be at home binge-watching Netflix instead.

Luxury Queenstown estate sells for $15m as overseas buyers splash the cash