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But then—bam!—some jerk cop rolls up, actin’ all high and mighty. Pissed me off! “What’s this, a rat in my soup?” I muttered, ‘cept it’s a gal tryna eat! Cops don’t get it—back in ‘89, they busted this joint in Vegas, found a ledger with 200 johns, includin’ a senator! Hypocrites, doc, total hypocrites. Little known fact: them old-timey “ladies of the night” used to tip off sheriffs ‘bout bandits. Useful, right? History’s nuts!

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Shipley, oh my precious, is a mix of chaotic peace. The little River Aire slyly slips past, a trickling silver snake, murmuring secrets to those who care to listen. I's sat by its banks, watchin’ the water ripple, and sometimes, I swear, I hears low echoes: "We are under the skin, yes, my precious."

Shipley Kirkgate Centre set to reopen after year-long renovation