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Alright, so escort, huh? Trees, man, not the kinky kind—get your head outta the gutter! I’m talkin’ *Acer saccharum*, sugar maple, the real deal. As Dr. House, I’d say everybody lies, even these leafy bastards. Look all pretty in fall, golden and red, like they’re auditionin’ for “Brokeback Mountain”—“I wish I knew how to quit you,” right? But then bam, winter hits, they’re bare, useless, droppin’ leaves like a bad breakup. Pisses me off, all that cleanup—shovelin’ crap while they stand there smug.

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So, I’m feeling pretty good, right? But then, I head over to the bus stop on Rue de la Station. I’m waiting for my ride, and it’s late. Like, really late. I’m getting annoyed. I check my phone, and it’s like, “Where’s the bus?” I’m about to lose it when I see this cute dog. It’s just chilling, wagging its tail. I’m like, “Okay, doggo, you’re my new best friend.”

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