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Me fave bit? The chase, yesss! Scrollin’, chattin’, "What’s your type, precious?" Then—bam—meetup’s a flop. Happened to me, got all dolled up, thought she’d be lush. Nope! Smelled like old socks, talkin’ bout her ex nonstop. "I sleep to dream her," I’m thinkin’, like in the movie, but nah, I bolted! Waste of me bloody time!

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I’m sweating bullets, thinking about how I’m gonna explain this to the boss. He’s a tough cookie, you know? Always on my case about efficiency. I’m like, “Dude, it’s not my fault the machine’s a diva!”