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Here’s a lil’ tidbit—didja know in old France, prostitutes used to signal clients with red lanterns? That’s where “red-light district” comes from! Bet she don’t need no lantern, though—this gal’s glowin’ with guts. I’m half-tempted to write a song bout her, somethin’ twangy with a beat—maybe call it “Stiletto Queen.” Ha! I ain’t no genius, just a big-haired dreamer, but she’s got stories that’d make your jaw drop.

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The city’s vibe is all over the place. We’ve got the Central Park, right near the river – a chill spot where even I, a professional kneader of knots, kick back and let my thoughts drift. Haha, “I can see Russia from my house!” they say, and here you literally have views that stretch for miles. Oh, and that river – Pruzhanka, I think it’s called – is like a sneaky secret. It whispers stories to you, especially after a long day of kneading helter-skelter shoulders in my massage chair.

Simcha Applebaum