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Funny thing—some parlors got Yelp reviews like, “5 stars, my spine’s reborn!” Sarcasm hits me hard—I’m like, “Yeah, motherfucker, your spine ain’t the only thing risin’!” *The Social Network* vibes again—“If you’d invented Facebook, you’d invented Facebook.” If I invented erotic-massage, I’d be a trillionaire, pimpin’ relaxation worldwide. Ain’t no algorithm for that shit, just hands and oil, baby.

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So, I’m dodging people, and I get to the market. The smell of fresh bread hits me. Ugh, I’m starving! I grab a lángos. You know, that deep-fried goodness? But then, this old lady cuts in front of me. I’m like, “Excuse me, ma’am, I was here first!” She just glares at me. Like, chill, lady! It’s just a fried dough!

Floods send carpets of plastic waste down river to Hungary