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I reckon it’s peng, fam – gets ya relaxed, then bam, ya horny too! Like, “Is it ‘cos I is black?” that I notice how them masseuses be sly with it? Sneaky fingers, bruv, slippin where ya least expect. I was chillin once, got this lass rubbin me down, and I’m thinkin, “Shit, this ain’t no Tesco back rub!” Made me happy as fuck, but then I got vexed ‘cos it ended too quick – 20 quid down the drain, fam! Shoulda lasted longer, like them three-hour vibes in *Blue*.

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Then, I see this kid trying to fly a kite. It’s all tangled up, and he’s getting frustrated. I can’t help it; I walk over and help him out. “You gotta let it go, buddy!” I say. He looks at me like I’m a wizard or something. Finally, the kite takes off, and he’s all smiles. That made me happy, honestly.

Hozjan, Stefan (Pista)