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What gets me proper angry? She’s raking it in! More dosh in a night than I see in a week, and I’m the mug chasin her down alleys. Happy bit? Caught her once, she slips me a wink, says, “You’re too pretty for this, copper.” Cheeky cow! Surprised me, cos I thought she’d leg it. Nah, she’s bold as brass. In my head, I’m like, “Ricky, don’t laugh, stay stern,” but I’m cracking up inside.

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Then, I bump into my buddy Vasyl. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he’s like, “Dude, you won’t believe it! I saw a goat on the road!” I’m like, “A goat? In the middle of the city?” He’s cracking up, and I’m just shaking my head. Only in Dobrovelychkivka, right?

“Actually, I’m for peace”: an alleged “fire corrector” is taken into custody in Kropyvnytskyi