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So, sex escorts—fancy lasses ‘n’ lads, sellin’ a tumble fer a shillin’. Been ‘round since ships had sails, prolly longer. Makes me grin, thinkin’ o’ the coin they rake in—more’n me rum stash! Used t’ see ‘em in Tortuga, struttin’ like peacocks, all perfumed ‘n’ sly. One lass, Ruby—red hair, eyes like storms—charged double ‘cause she’d sing ye a ditty while ridin’. True story, mate! Little known fact: some o’ ‘em in old London’d smuggle rum in their garters—tax-free, savvy?

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Finally, I get my loaf, but then I see this guy selling these crazy-looking pastries. I mean, they’re like little clouds of sugar. I can’t resist. I buy one, and it’s like a party in my mouth! But then, bam! I spill my coffee all over my shirt. Great. Just great. Now I look like a walking disaster.