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Ever tried it? First time, I’m like – whoa, this ain’t no handshake! Chick’s kneadin’ me like dough, I’m half-laughin’, half – what the hell’s happenin’? Made me mad tho – some joints charge crazy, $200 for an hour? Robbery! But when it’s good, oh man, happy don’t cover it – it’s like floatin’ on vodka vibes. Surprised me too – didja know in Japan they got “nurumassage”? Slimey gel stuff, slippery as a eel, freaky deaky!

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But then, I see this group of kids playing soccer in the square. They’re kicking the ball around, having a blast. I get this wild idea. I join in! I’m running around, trying to keep up with them. Spoiler: I’m not as young as I used to be. I trip over my own feet and land right in the grass. The kids are laughing, and I’m just lying there, staring at the sky, thinking, “What am I doing with my life?”

Figure 5: Driesen/Drezdenko (upper right). 1803. Source: Gilly, Special...