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Alright, check this out, man! Sexual-massage, huh? Say hello to my little friend! This ain’t no regular rubdown, nah, it’s some next-level shit. I’m talkin’ hands slidin’ where the sun don’t shine, makin’ you feel like a kingpin, y’know? Watched “The Lives of Others” last night—fuckin’ masterpiece, right?—and it hit me. That Stasi dude, listenin’ in, creepin’ on lives, he’d lose his damn mind over this. “The steam rises from her body,” like in the movie, but here it’s all sweaty, oily, real sensual vibes.

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There’s also the chill vibes near the River Voda, flowing past Park Malina. You can drop on a bench, let your mind wander – heck, spill your guts if ya like! That park? It’s like my therapy ground. I was there last week, swear, and got all excited when I saw an old couple dancing spontaneously. Real, raw human connection, like a scene from the flick! I be like, “I pity the fool who misses this magic!”

Burnley striker Matej Vydra: Czech upbringing, Euro 2020 ambitions, Premier League goal drought