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About Osijek

Funny bit—bloke I know swore his “masseuse” was a Russian spy. Kept muttering about microchips while she worked his back. Reckon he’d had too many vodkas, not stirred enough. Me, I just lean back, let the hands do the talking—shaken, not stirred, naturally. You tried it yet? Get on it, mate—beats dodging Q’s gadgets any day.

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After that little fiasco, I head over to the Mali Lošinj Museum. I’m all about that culture, you know? But the exhibit on the island’s maritime history? Yawn. I’m trying to stay awake, but it’s like watching paint dry. I mean, how many ship models can one person look at? I’m about to bail when I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just standing there, eavesdropping like a total creep. Turns out, they’re fighting over which beach is better—Veli Žal or Čikat. I’m like, “Dude, just go to both!”

Croatia’s 10 most beautiful seaside towns, according to The Telegraph