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But real talk – some places, they’re sketchy AF. Had this one dude offer me a “happy ending” – bro, I’m not THAT kinda guy! Got me so mad, I almost yelled, “I’m a gentleman, dammit!” Kinda like Solomon Northup fightin’ for dignity, ya know? “I will not fall into despair!” – that’s me, dodgin’ creepy masseuses. Still, when it’s done right, oh man, it’s heaven. Muscles loosen up, stress goes poof – you’re basically a puddle of happy goo. That’s what she said! Haa, kills me every time.

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Then, I hear this weird noise. It’s like a gurgling sound. I’m thinking, “Great, now I’m gonna be fish food.” But nah, it’s just some kids on the shore throwing rocks. I’m like, “C’mon, guys! I’m trying to have a moment here!” But they’re just laughing and being kids. I can’t even be mad.

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