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About Astana

Look, folks, I’m a scientist, okay? Tremendous scientist, the best. Sexual-massage? Oh, it’s huge, fantastic, really terrific. Donald Trump knows this stuff, believe me. I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’ about “Carol”—great movie, the best, Todd Haynes, genius. That slow-burn vibe, the tension? Sexual-massage is like that, but dirtier, hotter, way more fun. You got two people, hands everywhere, oils—slippery, messy, fantastic. It’s not just rubbin’—it’s art, folks, pure art.

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Lunchtime rolls around, and I’m like, “I need food.” So, I hit up this little café on Kazybek Bi Street. Best plov in town, no joke. I order, and while I’m waiting, I see this old lady trying to cross the street. She’s moving like molasses. I’m thinking, “C’mon, lady, you can do it!” But then, a car zooms by, and she jumps back like she’s in a horror movie. I’m laughing, but also worried. Kandyagash drivers are wild, man.

Kazakhstan to Build and Repair Over 10,000 Kilometers of Roads by Year-End