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Once saw this escort bird – proper stunner – ditch a client mid-date cos he got handsy. Laughed me arse off – respect! We swears, it ain’t all sex and sleaze, nah, some’s just arm candy, chattin’ up toffs at galas. Surprised me, that did – thought it was all bedroom bizz. Nope! Me fave bit? Watchin’ ‘em hustle – pure “Spring Breakers” chaos, precious! “Alien, don’t be a pussy!” – that’s what I’d tell meself if I tried it. Too skittish, me.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Great North Rd. You know, the one with the best flat whites? Yeah, that one. I’m sittin’ there, sippin’ my coffee, and boom! This dude walks in, all decked out in scuba gear. Like, bro, it’s a café, not a dive shop! I couldn’t help but laugh. I mean, who does that?

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