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Humor me, tho—erotic-massage can be awkward, right? Imagine slippin’ on oil, fallin’ flat on your face! I’d be mad, but also crackin’ up, like, “Nature is so cruel!” Sarcasm aside, it’s beautiful when it’s done right. I once heard ‘bout a place in Thailand where they use hot stones and herbs, and I’m like, “That’s some next-level shi—er, stuff!” It surprised me how global this is, how every culture’s got its own flavor.

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So, I finally get to the library, right? And it’s a mess. Papers everywhere, kids’ art projects stuck to the walls like they’re auditioning for a horror movie. I’m not even kidding. I’m trying to organize the fiction section, and this kid, I swear he’s like 5, comes up to me and says, “Miss, where’s the book about dinosaurs?” I’m like, “Buddy, we’re in Vrutky, not Jurassic Park!” But I help him find it anyway.

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