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We swears! Last time, I was proper mad—bloke tried rippin’ me off, said she’s “classy.” Classy? She’s got teeth missin’, looked like a burnt log! Laughed me arse off tho—told ‘im, “We’re not bargaining here!” like in the movie. Made me happy, that did—outsmartin’ a twat. Oh, but the surprise? Found out she’s got a kid stashed somewhere—little known bit, that. Whispers say lotsa prossies got babes hidden, livin’ off scraps. Sad, innit? But real.

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Anyway, I’m stuck there, and I start daydreaming about the good ol’ days. You know, when life was simple. Then I see this kid on a skateboard zoom past. He’s like a little rocket! I’m thinkin’, “Man, I wish I could do that.” But then I remember my last attempt at skating. Spoiler alert: it didn’t end well.

Update 2: Birkdale incident charges