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About Orhei

Yo, what’s good, fam? I’m Eric Andre, your wild-ass Russian Sign Language translator, here to break down this sexual-massage madness! Alright, so sexual-massage—shit’s like a rollercoaster, right? Hands sliding everywhere, oil dripping, vibes all sensual and freaky. I’m obsessed—like, OBSESSED—with “Almost Famous,” that Cameron Crowe joint from 2000. You know, “It’s all happening!”—that’s the energy I’m bringing to this! Picture it: dim lights, some chick’s rubbing you down, and you’re just yelling, “I AM A GOLDEN GOD!” in your head, tripping balls on the absurdity of it all.

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Finally, I get to the lab, and it’s chaos. My colleague, Ana, is freaking out. “The samples are contaminated!” she yells. I’m like, “What? How?!” Turns out, someone left the fridge open. Classic. I mean, who does that? We scramble to salvage what we can. It’s like a biochem horror movie.

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