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About Tauranga

I got mad love for it, ‘cause it’s chill, laid-back—like me, fo’ shizzle. But yo, what pisses me off? Them fake-ass “massage parlors” givin’ it a bad name. Like, c’mon, don’t be ruinin’ the vibe with shady nonsense! Real sexual-massage is consent, trust, and that slow burn—none of that rushed, sketchy crap. Makes me wanna holla, “Get out of the square!” like János in the flick, tellin’ folks to quit messin’ with the purity.

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So, I’m driving down Tainui St, and boom! Traffic jam. Like, what even? It’s Greymouth, not Auckland! Turns out, some dude’s car broke down right in the middle of the road. Classic. I’m sitting there, fuming. “C’mon, man! It’s not rush hour!” I mean, who breaks down at 8 AM?

Drowned whitebaiter, 78, father of newborn