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Sarcasm time: oh, Escort, you sexy beast—more dents than a golf ball, but I’d marry ya! Seriously, it’s my fave—beats a Prius any day. Quirky thought: wonder if Malick’d make a movie bout it—slow pans of rust, deep voiceover, “What is a car but time?”—I’d watch that! Anyway, Escort’s my buddy—ugly, loud, perfect. That’s what she said! Love ya, ya rusty turd!

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So, I hustle over to Parc de la Mairie. It’s a nice park, but today? It’s chaos. There’s a bunch of people gathered, and I can see some dude waving his arms around. I’m thinking, “What now?” Turns out, he’s just trying to impress this girl. Classic move, right? But then, he trips and falls. I can’t help it; I burst out laughing.

Seine River Hits Peak as France Remains Underwater from Heaviest Rains in Decades