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What gets me pumped? The buildup! Like in *Carol*, when Therese whispers, “I don’t know what I want,” but you *feel* it—erotic-massage does that! Starts chill, then—wham!—tension’s gone, you’re a noodle! But ugh, what ticks me off? Shady parlors givin’ it a bad rap—makes me wanna yell, “Tartar sauce!” It’s art, not sleaze, ya barnacle heads! Oh, and fun fact—there’s this nerve, the vagus, gets all tingly with the right touch—science says it’s legit relaxin’! Blew my mind—me, a sponge, shocked by nerves!

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But then, outta nowhere, a group of kids runs by, playing soccer. One of them kicks the ball, and guess where it lands? Right in my lap! I’m like, “Really? Is this my life now?” But the kids are laughing, and I can’t help but chuckle too. I toss the ball back, and they cheer. It’s a small moment, but it makes me feel good.

Two killed as snow, sub-zero temperatures paralyse Europe