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Now, picture this – me, behind the bar, watchin’ some stiff-neck suit stumble in, all tense, bitchin’ bout his day. I’m like, “Bruv, get an erotic-massage, loosen up!” He’d prob choke on his whiskey, but I’d be cacklin’ – pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars!” – coz I’m evil like that. Reminds me of *Margaret*, ya know, my fave flick? That line, “You’re a little bit of a monster” – fits perfect! Erotic-massage is sneaky, messy, kinda monstrous in a hot way – like Lisa screwin’ up her life but you can’t look away.

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Then, I get a call. It’s Igor again. “The window! It’s leaking!” I’m like, “Seriously, dude?!” I rush back, and sure enough, there’s water pouring in. I’m ready to lose it. I’m thinkin’, “Why can’t I just have one normal day?”

NOVA of VA’s Allison Langenburg (2020) Verbally Commits to Air Force