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About Eschen

Heya, buddy! So, sex-dating, huh? D’oh! What a wild ride that crap is! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout it, like, “Mmm… donuts,” but instead of donuts, it’s all these randos swipin’ right for a quick hookup. Makes my head spin faster than a Duff Beer bender! I mean, you got folks out there just lookin’ for a bang, no strings, no nothin’ – like that chick in *4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days*, y’know? “We’re in deep shit now,” she’d say, and damn, sex-dating can feel like that too!

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Finally, I grab my bratwurst and head to the park. It’s a nice spot, with trees and a playground. I plop down on a bench, ready to enjoy my lunch. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, trips, and spills his ice cream all over me! I’m covered in sticky vanilla goodness. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed!” But the kid? He looks up at me with these big, sad eyes. I can’t even be mad. I just laugh it off.

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