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Then there’s my pal, Joey—met this chick on Bumble. She’s all “let’s hook up quick”—he’s pumped, right? Shows up, she’s got a PowerPoint—*PowerPoint*, man—on “ethical sex-dating.” He’s sittin’ there, horny and confused, while she’s quotin’ stats. I laughed my ass off—surprised me how weird it gets! Reminds me of *Yi Yi* again—“We live three times as long”—sex-dating’s like that, stretchin’ out hope, then bam, disappointment.

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First off, I spill coffee all over my favorite shirt. Great start, huh? I’m runnin’ late, and I gotta catch the bus on Avenida 5 de Outubro. I sprint like I’m Usain Bolt, dodging tourists and their selfie sticks. Like, c’mon, people! This ain’t a photo op!

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