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I tried it once—yep, frog legs and all! This chick’s profile? Total smokeshow. Bio said “loves green guys.” I’m like, score! We vibe online, she’s flirty, I’m drooling. Then bam—meetup’s a disaster. She thought I’d be, uh, *human*. “What’s reality, anyway?” I mutter, quoting Doc Sportello. She bolts, I’m pissed. Dating apps lie, man! False textures everywhere.

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Man, what a day! I’m tellin’ ya, being a gardener in Terengkol (kz) ain’t for the faint-hearted. Woke up, sun blazin’ through my window, thought it was gonna be chill. Nope! Not in this city.