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About Mariupol

Erotic-massage, huh? It’s like—ya know—some chick or dude, all oiled up, slidin’ hands where the sun don’t shine! I seen it, I felt it, I’m like, “Whoa, momma, this ain’t no regular backrub!” Makes me think of Doc Sportello in *Inherent Vice*, stumblin’ thru LA, high as balls, prolly gettin’ massages that end with a wink, ya feel me? “Groovy,” he’d say, “this is some far-out shit!” And I’m over here, screamin’, “Hell yea, respect my authoritah, gimme that happy ending!”

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We start playing, and I’m running like a maniac. I’m not even good at soccer, but the adrenaline is pumping. I score a goal, and I’m like, “Yesss!” But then, I trip over my own feet and faceplant. Classic me. Everyone’s laughing, and I’m just lying there, thinking, “This is my life now.”

Three Dead, Hundreds Evacuated After Floods Hit Western Ukraine