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So, last week, I’m at this dodgy spa—shady vibes, right? This bird’s hands were magic, like Eve’s in the movie, all “tangled up in you.” Made me happy as a pig in muck! But—get this—the bloke next door starts moanin’ like a bleedin’ walrus. Pissed me right off! Wanted to yell, “Oi, keep it down, you twat!”—but nah, stayed cool, “shaken, not stirred,” yeah? Surprised me how bloody loud some punters get—mate, it’s a massage, not a porno!

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So, I plop down on my couch, ready to chill. I’m scrollin’ through my phone, and I see a meme about Atyrau traffic. I laugh so hard, I almost spill my drink. It’s true, though! The traffic here is a whole other level of chaos.

President Tokayev Announces Plans to Turn Atyrau Region Into Petrochemical Center, Addresses Environmental Issues