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About May Pen

So, sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’—it’s an art, babe. Little known fact—ancient Greeks were freaky with it, usin’ olive oil, gettin’ all slippery n philosophical. Bet they were like, “Oh Socrates, harder!” Makes me giggle thinkin’ bout it. I tried it once—lordy, was I mad when the dude skimped on the oil! Dry hands? In *my* desert? “What a day, what a lovely day!”—not! Shoulda been shiny n chrome, not sandpaper.

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After that, I decided to stroll down to the beach. The waves were crashin’ on the shore, and I was feelin’ all kinds of zen. But then, I saw this group of tourists takin’ selfies. They were all like, “Look at us, we’re in Jamaica!” I wanted to shout, “Dude, you’re in Saint Ann’s Bay, not some fancy resort!” But I just rolled my eyes and kept walkin’.

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