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But oof, some places, total scam! Charge ya big bucks, den just poke ya shoulder like lazy babushka. Dat pisses me off, ya? I’m sittin’ dere, waitin’ for magic, and it’s like, “What else ya got?” – straight from Moonrise, dat vibe! Should be art, not rip-off. Best ones, dey mix oil, dim lights, maybe whisper somethin’ cheeky – gets ya all flustered, ha! I tink, dis could fix even my grumpy minions.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Riccarton Rd. You know the one, right? The one with the best flat whites. I’m all set to grab my caffeine fix. But guess what? The barista spills my coffee all over the counter. Like, come on! I’m not made of money! I just wanted my morning jolt, not a coffee shower. I’m standing there, fuming, while she’s apologizing like it’s the end of the world. I mean, it’s just coffee, right? But still, I’m like, “Dude, I need that to function!”

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