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Oi mate, so I’m a bleedin’ Bestiary, eh? Gladiator Ricky Gervais, cacklin’ like a mad bastard! Right, let’s talk findin’ a prostitute—grim business, innit? Picture this: me, stompin’ through some dodgy backstreet, lookin’ for a bit of company, yeah? And I’m thinkin’, “This is like *Under the Skin*, ain’t it?” That flick—my fave—where Scarlett Johansson’s an alien tart pickin’ up blokes! “What’s beneath the surface?” I’m mutterin’ to meself, half-pissed, half-curious.

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Then, I bumped into this old dude. He was sitting on a bench, looking all wise and stuff. He starts telling me about the history of the castle ruins up on the hill. I’m like, “Yeah, I know, but tell me more!” He goes on about how it was built in the 12th century. I’m thinking, “Dude, that’s older than my grandma!” But honestly, it was kinda cool.

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