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Quirk alert: I’m old-school, man. Thinkin’ in my head, “Homer, you’d suck at this!” I’d prob’ly post a pic with my gut hangin’ out—D’oh! Nobody wants that! Oh, and get this: some apps let you filter by kinks! Like, “only match me with foot-fetish folks.” Blew my mind! Didn’t know that was a thing! Exaggeratin’ here, but feels like everyone’s got a secret fetish nowadays.

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Then, I get a call from Aigul again. She’s calmed down a bit. We talk through her investments, and by the end, she’s feeling better. I’m like, “See? Not the end of the world!”

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