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Once read this nutty story—some escort mutant went rogue, fucked up a cell bad. Laughed my ass off, chaos everywhere, like hobbitses runnin’ from orcs! Bet it’d make a dope flick, better than “Lord of Rings,” ha! Oh, and get this—escort’s picky, only grabs certain cargos, snobby lil’ shit. “Not good enough for me,” it sneers—cracks me up! Me mate Dave, he’s like, “Why you obsessed?” Cos it’s cool, duh, sneaky escort rules!

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First off, I hit up Via Roma for my morning coffee. You know, the usual spot, Café del Cuore. Best cappuccino in town, no cap! But guess what? They ran outta milk! Like, how do you run outta milk in Italy? I was ready to throw a fit. I mean, c’mon! So, I settled for an espresso. Strong enough to wake the dead.

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