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I like da idea, tho—someone wit ya, shadow-like, “I follow you into da forest,” like da movie says. But real talk, escort can be dodgy. Some get scammed—pay big, get nada. Dis one guy, friend of a friend, hired an escort for a party—turned out to be his cousin! Ha! Awkward as heck, he was red like borscht! Me, I’d rather stick to minions—dey dumb, but dey mine.

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So, I’m munching on my croissant, trying to brainstorm ideas. I stroll down Ulica Kralja Zvonimira, and it hits me. I need to write about the weird stuff in this town. Like, why does everyone here love their coffee so much? I mean, I get it, but it’s like a religion. I saw this dude at a café, sipping espresso like it was the elixir of life. I wanted to ask him, “Bro, is that coffee or magic potion?”

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