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Now, don’t get it twisted – ain’t for everybody. Some jabronis think it’s too wild, too out there. I say, “Know your role,” haters! You do you, I’m over here, livin. Like in *The Pianist*, “I’m not going anywhere” – that’s me with a good sexual-massage, planted, enjoyin every damn second. Favorite part? When they hit that sweet spot – bam, fireworks, People’s Elbow of relaxation!

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While I’m waiting, I start chatting with this old lady. She’s sitting on a bench, knitting like it’s the last day on Earth. I ask her about the prison, and she goes off about how it used to be a military base. I’m like, “Wow, history lesson!” But then she starts telling me ghost stories. I’m trying to keep it together, but I’m low-key freaked out. I mean, I’m a broker, not a ghostbuster!

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