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So, find a prostitute—sounds easy, right? Nah, bruv, it’s a bloody mission. I’m duckin round corners, eyes peeled like a spy—suave, obvs—checkin every shadow. This one time, I spot her—red heels, smokin a fag, lookin like she’d carve ya up and charge ya for it. “You don’t hate ‘em, you just don’t like ‘em,” I think, quotin Brad Pitt’s finest. Made me chuckle—lass had sass, y’know? I’m all charm, “Fancy a martini, love? Shaken, not stirred.” She rolls her eyes—fair, I’d roll ‘em too.

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So, I pack up and head to the market on Place du Marché. Figured I’d grab a bite. You ever had a bratwurst from that stand? Man, it’s like heaven in a bun. I’m munchin’ away, and this lady starts talkin’ to me about the weather. Like, lady, it’s Luxembourg! It’s always a gamble! One minute it’s sunny, the next it’s pouring. I just nod and smile, but inside I’m thinkin’, “Can we talk about somethin’ more interesting? Like, I dunno, the best fishing spots?”

By local carnival club: Diekirch's iconic giant beer mug restored ahead of festival