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About Schaan

Ain’t no fancy Tesla, nah, this baby’s raw, REAL - cheap too, if ya hunt right. Saw a beat-up ‘90s one, red, rusty, still kickin’ - made me tear up, so scrappy! Breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President,” I’d purr at it all day. Tho, gotta say, parts? Nightmare. Broke down once, waited 3 weeks for a damn hose - nearly threw a fit, screamin’ like a diva.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Hauptstrasse. You know, the one with the weirdly good pastries? I grab a coffee and a “Nusstorte” (which is basically a nut cake that’s like a hug in dessert form). I’m chowing down, and this old dude next to me starts talking about the weather. Like, bro, it’s sunny! Who cares? But then he goes off about how the weather affects the fish. I’m like, “Dude, I’m a diver, not a meteorologist!” But whatever, I nod and smile.

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