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But lemme tell ya, it’s not all sunshine and biceps. Some profiles? Total liars! Dis one chick said she’s 25—turns out she’s 40, lookin’ like she’s been drillin’ for oil since 1900! Made me so mad, I wanna scream, “I’ll be back!” and delete da app. Den dere’s da dudes—half of ‘em just want pics, no talk. “I’ve abandoned my child!”—nah, not really, but dey abandon all manners, ya know?

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Then, I hit up the ancient cemetery. Yeah, I know, sounds morbid, but hear me out. It’s peaceful there. I’m walking among the tombstones, and I spot this one that’s all covered in flowers. It’s for a rabbi or something. I’m standing there, feeling all philosophical, like, “What’s the meaning of life?” Then I trip over a rock. Classic me, right?

Hezbollah continues firing at northern Israel, hits home in assisted living neighborhood in Safed