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What pisses me off? The stench. Gods, it’s like that bathhouse in the movie—sweaty, grimy, makes ya gag. But what got me happy? Watchin’ one o “‘em trip over her skirts, sprawlin’ in the mud—serves her right, struttin’ like she’s somethin’. Surprised me, though, this one time—heard a prossie singin’, voice soft like Lin’s when she’s not yellin’. Caught me off guard, almost felt… somethin’. Then I remembered who I am. Screw that.

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Man, what a day! I swear, being a bailiff in Cayey is like riding a rollercoaster with no seatbelt. So, I wake up, right? Sun’s shining, birds chirping, and I’m like, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Ha! Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.

Puerto Rico National Guard rescues Hurricane Fiona victims