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About Keelung

Last week, I tried it – bloke’s hands were like tanks, crushin’ every ache. Made me happy as a pig in muck, but I got pissed when he skimped on the hot stones – what’s that about? Stingy sod! I’m lyin’ there, thinkin’, “This is how empires fall, mate – half-arsed massages!” But then, he hits this spot – bam! – like Viggo Mortensen smashin’ a mugger, pure release, I nearly wept. “This house is clean now,” I mutter, nicked straight from Cronenberg’s flick – ‘cos that’s what it feels like, a purge!

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After breakfast, I decided to stroll along the beautiful Qixingtan Beach. The waves were crashin’, and the sun was shinin’. I thought, “This is the life!” But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and snatches my hat! I’m chasin’ this bird like a madman, flappin’ my arms, yellin’, “Come back, you feathered thief!” People were lookin’ at me like I was nuts. Whatever, man. It was my favorite hat!

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