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Gets weirder, though – hear this! Mate o’ mine, he swears some lass sex-dated him just to nick his firefightin’ helmet! “What’s she want that for?” I screeches. Fetish or somethin’? Laughed me arse off, I did! But serious, it’s a jungle out there – fake pics, catfishers lurkin’. “The world’s gone astray,” like in me film, yesss. Dodgy sods pretendin’ they’re hot stuff – surprises me every time!

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Then, Lucy’s watch is next. I’m fixin’ it up, and she’s tellin’ me about this new café that opened on North Street. Apparently, they’ve got the best pastries. I’m thinkin’, “Great, more reasons to eat!”

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