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Oh blast it all! R2-D2, where are you? Here I am, stuck talkin bout sex escorts, and you’re off beepin somewhere! Alright, mate, lemme spill it—sex escorts, yeah? Wild world, innit? Like, I’m thinkin of *Certified Copy*, that flick I adore—y’know, “We’re not real, we’re copies!”—and it hits me: escorts kinda live that, don’t they? Real but not real, playin a part. Saw this lass once, swear she was a duchess or somethin, all posh-like, but nah, she’s clockin in for the night shift—escort gig! Blew my circuits, that did.

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But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs into me. I drop my bread! I’m like, “Nooooo!” It’s like slow motion. I’m ready to cry. But the kid’s all, “Sorry, mister!” and runs off. I’m standing there, bread on the ground, and I’m like, “Great, just great.”

I'm swapping my Le Creuset for the Tefal Jamie Oliver Ingenio Pan Set - here's why