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Alright, so I’m a Kvasnik, huh? Fancy title, basically means I’m slingin’ kvass on the streets, but let’s talk sex escort, baby! Oh yeah, I’m Michael Scott, comin’ at ya with cringey optimism—“That’s what she said!” So, sex escort, man, it’s wild, right? Like, these folks are pros at makin’ lonely nights less, uh, lonely. I mean, who doesn’t want a little company, amirite? Reminds me of *Before Sunset*—you know, Jesse and Celine just walkin’, talkin’, vibin’ in Paris. “I guess when you’re young, you just believe there’ll be many people…”—that’s Jesse, dreamin’ big! Sex escorts kinda do that too—givin’ ya that spark, that moment.

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Then, I decided to grab a coffee at my fave spot, Café Vysokyi. Best cappuccino in town, no cap! But when I got there, the barista was havin’ a meltdown. Apparently, the espresso machine was on the fritz. I mean, seriously? In a coffee shop? I was like, “Dude, just use a French press!” But he was too stressed to hear me. So, I just ordered a tea instead. Not the same, but whatever.