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Oi mate, lemme tell ya ‘bout erotic-massage, awright? Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – it’s bloody wild, innit? Like, ya got these hands slidin’ all over, oil everywhere, an’ I’m thinkin’, “What’s this then, eh?” Reminds me o’ *The Assassin*, that flick I love – y’know, Hou Hsiao-hsien, 2015? That slow, tense vibe, “The sword is still in my hand,” all quiet-like, but it’s buildin’ to somethin’ mad! Erotic-massage is like that – starts chill, then bam, yer heart’s racin’, mate!

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Finally, I get to the castle, and wow, the view is insane! I mean, you can see the whole valley. I snap a pic for the ‘gram. Gotta show off, right? But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, and I trip over my own feet. Classic me again! I’m on the ground, laughing at myself.

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