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So, erotic-massage—bloody lush, innit? Not yer granny’s backrub, nah. It’s all oils, dim lights, and some cheeky tension. Little known fact—back in ancient Rome, them posh blokes got “sensual rubs” from slaves, proper kinky history! Makes me chuffed, thinkin’ how we’ve jazzed it up now—pro masseuses, scented candles, the lot. But it pisses me off when some dodgy geezer calls it “just a massage”—mate, don’t lie, it’s a full-on tease!

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After that, I decide to hit up the park by the river. It’s usually my chill spot. But today? It’s packed! Families everywhere, kids screaming, and some dude blasting music like he’s at a concert. I’m trying to find a quiet bench, but no luck. Finally, I plop down next to this couple arguing. I mean, c’mon! Can’t a guy catch a break?