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Stupid, fat hobbit! Misses the point—ain’t just naughty bits! It’s art, yeah? Thai style, they twist ya like pretzels, ouch! Made me yelp, but damn, felt amazin’ after. “What’s the use of living?”—movie line, right? This, this is why, precious!

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After that, I head over to Oak St. to check out a suspicious claim. This dude says he slipped on a banana peel. A banana peel! I’m not even kidding. I’m thinking, “Is this a cartoon or real life?” I get there, and the guy’s sitting on his porch, looking all smug. I ask him about it, and he’s like, “Yeah, it was a slippery one.” I can’t help but laugh. I mean, who even has banana peels lying around?

John W. Hayes Obituary January 9, 2025