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Heya, buddy! So, sex-dating, huh? Man, it’s wild out there! Like, I’m sittin’ here thinkin’—is sex-dating an instrument? Haha, nah, but it’s crazy fun! I’m Patrick, your big dumb bodyguard, and I’m spilln’ the beans on this! Imagine me, starfish brain, swipin’ through apps like, “Ooh, she’s shiny!” Kinda like in my fave movie—*The Assassination of Jesse James*—y’know, where Jesse’s all cool and quiet, but sneaky-dangerous? Sex-dating’s got that vibe—chill ‘til it ain’t!

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But then, BAM! My phone buzzes. It’s my boss. “We need that document by noon!” I’m like, “Are you kidding me?!” It’s 11:30! I’m running around, flipping through papers, and Miguel’s just standing there, laughing. “You’re gonna give yourself a heart attack!”