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About Zaporizhzhia

Been watchin’ her from my tower. She rolls up, all sly, winkin’. Heard she once conned a john—$500! Took his watch too—little known fact! Laughed my furry ass off. “They’re all dogs here,” I mutter. Like in Dogville—everyone’s a snake. She’s no diff—griftin’, smilin’, then gone. Rarrgh! Makes me wanna roar loud.

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Then, outta nowhere, my boss walks in. He’s all smiles, like he just won the lottery or something. He’s like, “Great news, team! We’re getting a new office!” I’m like, “Sweet! Where?” He says, “Somewhere near the river.” I’m thinking, “Great, more traffic on the Dnipro.”

Jewison Bennette: Sunderland winger departs for Ukrainian club Cherkasy