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I got mad once, some shady joint downtown—dirty towels, sketchy vibes, ugh! Mr. T don’t play that! But when it’s good? Oh man, happy don’t even cut it—pure bliss, like floatin’. This one chick, trained in tantra, blew my mind—slow moves, breathin’ tricks, had me seein’ stars. Little known fact: tantra massage ain’t even ‘bout the finish, it’s the ride! Surprised me, thought it was all quick and dirty—nah, it’s art, suckas!

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So, I keep walkin’, and I decide to hit up the Stefan Cel Mare Park. It’s my go-to spot for chillin’. I plop down on a bench, and this old lady starts talkin’ to me about her garden. She’s all like, “You gotta smell my roses!” I’m thinkin’, “Lady, I’m a Nose, I know roses!” But I nod and smile. She’s sweet, but man, she talks a lot.

Dispatch from Moldova: With elections approaching, Moscow is taking aim at Chișinău’s pro-European path