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Picture this: dim lights, soft tunes, oil smellin’ like lavender—yum! Hands workin’ knots, but also, uh, *wakin’ things up*. Ever tried it? I’d be all, “Hi-ho, don’t stop!” Favorite part? When they hit that spot—y’know, *that* spot—and you’re floatin’. Reminds me of Zuckerberg sayin’, “The real trick isn’t building—it’s getting people to care.” Erotic-massage gets ya carin’ real quick—ha! Oh, and tantric style? Takes foreeeeever—hours of teasin’. Exaggeratin’ here, but feels like a frog’s lifetime!

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First off, I hit up Via Roma for my morning coffee. Gotta love that little café, Bar Pasticceria, where they serve the best cornetti. I mean, who doesn’t love a flaky pastry to kickstart the day? But guess what? They were out of my fave—chocolate-filled! Ugh, I was like, “Are you kidding me?” I settled for a plain one, but it just wasn’t the same.

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